


Walking Through the Sakura-Like Snow

by baylonebylo



Category: Chihayafuru
Genre: F/M, Gen, One-Shot, a lot of previous chapters reference, plot takes after chapter 225, spoiler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25085179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baylonebylo/pseuds/baylonebylo
Summary: Chitose begrudgingly walks against the snow. Taichi chases after her. Chihaya stands in the cold, suffocating in her silent screams of desperation. What else can happen on winter at Omi Jingu when the Queen-Meijin matches continue?
Relationships: Chihaya x Chitose, Taichi x Chihaya
Kudos: 6





	Walking Through the Sakura-Like Snow

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: SPOILER FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT READ THE MANGA. THE STORY TOOK PLACE AFTER 225. AND THERE ARE A LOT OF REFERENCES FROM PREVIOUS CHAPTERS.
> 
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: When I was editing this with music in the background, I was compelled to reread chapter 225. While reading, my Spotify was playing Yiruma's Kiss in the Rain. I was reduced to what Haruki Murakami described in Norwegian Wood crying "with the force of a person vomiting on all fours" especially when it got to the part of Taichi's prayer for Chihaya. I'm not saying you should try it. But do it. It's life-changing.
> 
> This is my first Chihayafuru one-shot. I hope you enjoy it as we wait for our impending doom! Kidding.

**Walking Through the Sakura-Like Snow**

"Chitose-san! Chitose-san!" Taichi runs after the woman who is briskly walking past the shrine as if she already had a particular destination in mind and the thought of it perturbs Taichi.

"Chitose-saaan!"

Chitose turns around. It is the first familiar voice she hears since she woke up in this strange place. "Mashima-kun!" Her face brightened up upon seeing him for he is the kind of person she needs at that moment.

"Chitose-san, where are you going?" Taichi asks as he closes the distance between them.

"Oh, about that. I'm just…" She suspiciously looks around which makes Taichi do the same thing. There are a few people milling about, probably going to the shrine to pray, or watch the competition, although Chitose thinks the game is hardly something that makes people go out in this weather except maybe they're supporting one of the players or are avid fans. The buildings are so unfamiliar and they look the same to her, especially because they are uniformly capped by a lot of snow. Chitose visibly fidgets at the unfamiliarity and presses her pillow to her chest.

"You must not leave, Chitose-san," Taichi says, diverting her discomfort. "Chihaya needs your support. You have to go back!"

"What are you talking about? Chihaya's doing fine." The concentrated and serious face of her young sister briefly flashes in her mind. "She doesn't need me. And besides I-"

"She does! She does, Chitose-san. She needs every support she could get. So I'm sorry for doing this." Taichi puffs his cheeks and blushes like he is about to do something he had never done before.

"Doing wha-"

He grabs her arm as he walks back to the direction from which she came.

"W-wait a minute, Mashima-kun!"

"There's no time to waste. The second match must be ending now."

"You can't just drag me!" She tries to tug her arm away, pulling Taichi along with it and she even manages to go a few steps back. "You may be taller...but...I'm still...the eldest here-" she bares her teeth in their tug-on-war of her arm. "So listen to me!"

"But what about...Chihaya...Chihaya's match?" He pulls her back again.

Now, Chitose isn't the most patient woman especially when she has just woken up, and when people are ignoring her. It makes her temper worse that Taichi keeps on talking about Chihaya and dragging _her_ \- a professional actress at that - to somewhere she doesn't want to go. She is even more irritated. So the next thing she does is something she sees fit for the moment along with the release of her irritation.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Taichi hisses and Chitose breaks free from him. She backs a good distance away, clutching her pillow protectively which she used to bonk him on the head. "What's that about?"

"What's _that_ about? What's with you?" Chitose snaps at him angrily. Taichi involuntarily shivers didn't come from the cold. He senses something sinister exuding from the angry woman - one like that of her mother...almost - and thinks it wise to be obeisant.

"G-gomen..." Taichi says meekly.

"You better be," Chitose huffs, her hands on her hips with the pillow. "Geeze Mashima-kun. I thought you're the calm type."

"But you were going to leave."

"So what if I am. Why does that concern you?"

"Chihaya needs you-"

"It's always about Chihaya with you, isn't it? That's what you also told me at the station. If I wasn't in need of a good shut-eye from that abominable trip, and for this pillow, I wouldn't have come!"

Taichi eyes the pillow she puts up in the air and thinks this must be the equivalent to Chihaya's Daddy Bears.

"I already saw Chihaya," she says matter-of-factly.

"You did? H-how is she?"

"Looking good on TV, I must say; doing well too. I bet she already won the second round so there's really no need to worry." She crosses her hands and looks away dismissively. She glances back to her companion who has suddenly gone silent.

Her craft allows her to be good at studying facial expressions so she quickly picks up that the boy has already walked away from where they are, although physically standing in front of her. His eyes seem to be looking inside a distant, sacred hall she cannot see or hoped to be in. There is a ghostly touch of a small smile on his lips that looks like it's ready to leave any time. A swelling pride and relief surfaces on his face but clinging to their tailwinds is a resigned despondence.

"Then the more you should go, Chitose-san," Taichi says, turning to her. "For when she wins." Even when his attention is back to her, Chitose can tell that his mind is still far away from here. The smile that briefly flashes on his face never went beyond the moment. A high, invisible wall surrounds him, holding people at arm's length.

She wonders at the mixed feelings this handsome boy is trying so hard to close-off from other people that she almost forgot about her own thoughts and feelings that she had been carrying from last year which this place intensified a few moments ago.

"I'm only looking for the bathroom."

"Huh?"

"Mom and Dad and everyone in the room was busy watching Chihaya. And the people I met outside wouldn't even let me speak. So I came out looking." She looks away, a little embarrassed.

"So you weren't leaving?"

"Of course not!" Chitose retorts. "I don't get this whole karuta thing but there's no way I'm going out with all this snow."

Taichi sniggers. "You should have said so earlier, Chitose-san."

"I would have if you only let me talk. You were Chihaya this, Chihaya that," she says in a mocking tone and face and punctuates it with a mischievous look at Taichi, making him blush.

"Let's go back to Kangakukan then. There's actually a bathroom there. Can you still hold it-"

_BAM!_

"Ow! Why did you hit me again?!"

"Don't talk about my bathroom trip casually like you're talking to Chihaya."

"You hit as hard as her though," Taichi murmurs.

"How about you Mashima-kun?" They are walking side by side now. Chitose momentarily looks up at him who is putting on a contemplative air. Taichi briefly acknowledges her with a side glance.

"Are you leaving?"

He shrugs.

"So you were!" Chitose points an accusing finger at him. "What's this big talk about me not leaving and supporting Chihaya while you go off, huh? Where's this hypocrisy coming from?"

That felt like two hits of humongous karuta cards to his head. "I already gave her what I can. There's nothing I can do for her now."

 _Then why do you look upset?_ Chitose thought better than to say this out loud. She knows nothing about this young man other than that Taichi Mashima had always been her young sister's friend since time immemorial. Now she questions if that is still the case between them.

"I don't know what's going on between you and Chihaya to make you this gloomy." She knows she is in no position to say anything but she instinctively feels that she is in the confidence of Taichi as an older sister. "And I'm not being preachy or anything"- she hears Taichi chuckle -"But Chihaya...she's stupid, and slow to process things, and greedy because she easily gets fixated. When that happens her perspective narrows and she no longer knows that she's hurting other people over the pursuit of a singular thing but...she does work hard. She tries her best to think about other things...I hope."

"I know she does."

"Have you always known that all along, Mashima-kun?"

"Not really. And most of the time I forget. She's never good with her words." Taichi let out a little laugh. "It's useless to figure everything out about her because she always manages to be unpredictable. So sometimes it's better to wait out for her. Let her be herself and take it from there, I guess."

Chitose contemplates this. She wonders when Chihaya, her little sister, who used to be her number one fan, her first believer and supporter, became so distant. Then again, it isn't difficult to figure out the why and when. It is not like she has loads and loads of history to dig. It has been hovering right in front of her face all this time since Chihaya was 12, and Chitose, under the illusion of an easy escape, had chosen to muddle the reason because it was incomprehensible to her.

It is easier to hate a villain than a complex person, so man's default course of action is making them into one when he lacks the courage to face the full truth. But she cannot hate Chihaya and she must have an antagonist to displace her ill feelings. Who - or _what -_ is the better candidate than karuta! The obscure sport that took away her sister!

Her enemy didn't identify itself abruptly. It built throughout the years partly because she thought karuta was just a phase. When the boy with glasses went away and Chihaya complained that even Taichi hardly came to their society, she thought her sister would give it up but she still played and talked about karuta! When Chihaya put on a tracksuit and joined the track and field club in her middle school, she thought the time had come at last, but even then, it was for karuta.

The other part was because she had been resisting it. Oh, how hard she turned away from it until she couldn't take it.

It isn't like Chihaya has not supported or cheered for her anymore. She has, even in her failures, but it isn't the same. She misses being the #1 in the heart of a pure-hearted girl where she is loved not for her looks alone but for who she really is - a place that is secure, away from the fickleness of fans. Because she can't have it back, she resorted to hating the very thing that replaced her and in the process everything that involves it.

Her unsupportiveness of Chihaya's sport was at first to spite her. She was putting Chihaya on a test to see if she could carry through without her. To her unpleasant surprise, Chihaya pushed through her hurdles without asking so much for her support (except for train money on minor tournaments). Although she saw her failures and miseries a lot of times, Chihaya had come so far that at 18 she is challenging the person who is the "best in the world".

The last nail on her coffin was when she resorted to social media without telling her. Karuta is Chihaya's turf; showbiz (and that includes media popularity) is hers. It irked her that Chihaya is able to invade her turf without putting in much effort - unlike her who had worked in this industry since she was 13.

All for karuta again? It fueled her hatred even more and the more incomprehensible karuta became.

 _"Do not do things half-way!"_ she had shouted.

How could she say that to Chihaya? When she knows she isn't that kind of person. She was being more insensitive than what she makes of her younger sister.

The truth is, it wasn't karuta who made the rift. It is her. She knows this more than she made herself to believe. It was she who stood a distance away from Chihaya when she didn't even push her away. When she asked her to play, she always declined. When their mother asked her to watch Chihaya's karuta matches, she always managed to come up with something. She never once even tried to sit across Chihaya on the tatami mat. She never tried to understand.

Chitose doesn't realize she had been left behind by her companion until she hits his back. "Oww, sorry." Taichi doesn't move so she thinks they have arrived but it isn't the same building as she remembered.

"What is it?" Chitose asks as she walks around him. Frozen to the spot, he stares with wide eyes and raised eyebrows at the distance. Chitose follows his gaze and squints her eyes at a familiar figure in green and red hakama, standing underneath the falling snow with hands on her face.

"Chihaya? Oh, Chihaya! Chihaya!" she shouts as she runs to her younger sister. "Hey!"

Chihaya starts at the sudden contact of Chitose's hand on her shoulder. She looks up from her hands to her sister's face. Without effort, she spots Taichi looming behind. "Oneechan! Taichi! W-what are you doing here?" she turns a little sideways from them to wipe her face on her sleeves.

"I should be asking you that! How did your match go? You won, right?"

Chihaya blinks back a new wave of tears and completely turns away from them.

"Huh? What is it? Hey, look at me, Chihaya."

"I lost," her voice lowered.

Chitose stares without blinking at her red and blotchy face. How wrong is she of her assumptions! Back then she saw her sister composed and confident, now she looks the complete opposite. "T-that's okay Chihaya. There's still a rematch right?" she walks in front of her.

"What if I lose then?"

"You wouldn't let it get to that."

"I already lost the first and third matches. Who's to say I won't lose the next?"

Chitose can hardly find the words to say as she looks at her devastated sister. She has never comforted Chihaya in her kaurta world. And she has never seen her so downcast and hopeless in her life that even without her saying, she already heard her say _"I give up"_.

"I-I've done everything," her voice cracks. "Everything that Watarai-san and Inokuman-san taught me. I studied everything to understand Shinobu-chan. And yet," she looks down at her shaking hands, "And yet...Shinobu-chan is still faster than me. Closer to the cards than me. So different from me. If I lose the third match then it's all over. It's over!" She wraps her hands around her shaking body as a steady stream of liquid flows like falling water from Tsukuba's peak to fill the depths of Mina. So are her frustration and despair like the river's quiet deeps.

"So you're giving up?"

Chihaya doesn't flinch at her apathetic words. "You don't understand," she says against the lump of her throat.

"Did you hear yourself, Chihaya? Have you seen yourself lately? You look and sound so stupid and pitiful!"

"You don't understand!" she shouts at her sister's face.

"What is it that I don't understand?"

"Everything!"

"Wow. Suddenly you're so sure what I don't understand when you're not even sure about yourself?"

"Yes!"

"You're wrong!"

"No I'm not!" Chihaya's hands balled into fists on her side, tears turning feverish. "You don't understand because you never gave karuta a chance, Oneechan!"

Chitose is silenced by the outburst. The accusation hit close to home. But then her own temper also spikes, her eyebrows cross, and she grabs Chihaya by the kimono's collar.

"Listen here, Chihaya!"

"Lemme go!"

"Chitose-san..." Taichi's appeal is thrown off to the open field. Chitose has fire in her eyes that says not to interfere because this is a business that needs to be settled between sisters alone.

"Listen, Chihaya! When I entered showbiz, it took me 3 years to reach fame and only a year to remain in that spotlight. I can't seem to outdo the only thing I did right in my career and so I dwindled from the limelight and became a stowaway at the back of a shelf of some outdated magazine. Until today, I can only get supporting character roles. It turns out that my greatest achievement is also my greatest enemy."

"Wh-what are you-"

"I have to swallow up a lot of my pride and stick with it to the bitter end until I can produce the results I want because I love acting and my job. But look at you! You're already letting your greatest achievement defeat you? Just because you're working hard and are not seeing any results, doesn't mean it's the end of the line. You love karuta, right? You love it so much. Then don't think it's going to be easy. Don't be too conceited that you'd quickly win just because you tried new tricks on her. Believe in the years you build yourself up. Believe in your strength so you can make use of other people's strength who came here to support you. And Oneechan is...I'm ready to understand, Chihaya. Just because your dream is totally different from mine doesn't mean it isn't important. I get it now. I'm here supporting you too."

Chihaya bawls her eyes out and dives to her chest. "Oneechan!" It has been a long time since they had been in this kind of embrace. Both sisters silently wonder why they let their different dreams fracture their sisterly confidence.

"I'm sorry for not telling you about my media entrance."

"Forget it. It's nothing important and it's not your fault."

"I didn't know it would become a big deal."

"I know. I know, Chihaya," Chitose strokes her head. "And I'm sorry too." At that moment, she feels like she is forgiven by karuta, although she knew she still must give a proper apology.

"I'm really glad you're here, Oneechan," Chihaya says, sniffling on her shirt. Chitose gently pushes her away before she makes a tissue out of it.

"Me too. We have to thank Mashima-kun who bullied me into this."

"Taichi?" She turns to the said boy who has been silent since their heartfelt confrontation.

"Why don't you say a piece of your mind to this idiot too, Mashima-kun? Before you leave."

"Leave? Taichi, you're leaving? Why, wh…" Chihaya impulsively moves to his direction with a hand about to reach out to him but it stops mid-air. She clenches her hand instead and retracts it to her side and says resignedly, "I see. I-I understand."

Now Mashima Taichi isn't exactly in a good place to say or do anything sensible. When he saw her standing alone under the snow, it wasn't only his steps that froze but also his heart; when Chitose called her, confirming it wasn't an illusion, he found himself moving towards her like there was a magnetic pull; when she took away her hands from her face and saw those flowy tears from her big doe eyes, his eyes also pricked with tears - didn't he just prayed to Kami-sama not to let her cry bitter tears?; when she confessed her weaknesses out loud and he heard her angry shout and the deep breaths she took, the voices that told him to leave all drowned away; when her hand came up as if reaching out to him, he wanted to hold it; and when she said she understand, he wished she would take it back because if she wanted him to stay, he would without hesitation - he knew he would.

So there is only one thing in his mind: he wants to wrap her in his arms and bring her close to his chest so he can protect her from the cold, wipe away her tears, tell her she is strong and if possible give her the confidence he has in her so that she stops underestimating herself, and with their hearts a little bit closer, maybe she would also hear the other words he could not say. As much as he wants to do that, he doesn't. Because he knows he isn't someone to hold her like that.

"Don't be a sourpuss now, Mashima-kun."

He looks at Chihaya who is turning away from him already and his heart aches at this.

_Don't turn away from me at least._

"Oy baka," he says instead, "why the heck are you out in this cold without putting on shoes and coat?"

Chihaya's eyebrows shoot up. "No wonder it's so cold. I was so upset I walked out immediately."

"Like a scene in a drama, huh," Chitose remarks off-handedly.

"You could say that," Chihaya laughs. Then she feels something heavy and warm on her shoulders but before registering what it is, she hears Taichi closely behind her.

"Take this."

Chihaya feels his cold breath on her ears, making her want to flee but Taichi's hands linger on her shoulders with his coat - which she realizes by now - and she doesn't want to get away anymore because his hands steadied her and the coat is warm with his scent. It quickly seeps through her kimono, warming her from head to foot, but she doesn't quite understand the summersault in her stomach.

"What about you, Taichi?"

"This would be enough," he points to his sweater and his scarf.

"Thanks," Chihaya says, nestling to the comforting warmth.

"What are we going to do with those?" Chitose looks down at her bare reddish feet disapprovingly. "There's no other way around this. Mashima-kun, you have to carry Chihaya to the Kangakusomething."

"What?!" Taichi and Chihaya exclaim.

"It's the most practical, precautionary thing to do. I can do it myself but you're already here, Mashima-kun, so be useful hmm?"

"It's okay. I can walk just fine," Chihaya says looking down at her feet. She feels she is burning hot inside that makes the cold bearable.

"We can't take risks! Mashima-kun, you said earlier that you are no longer needed here. Well, it seems you still are. C'mon. Help her, will you? Drop her off at whatever hall then you can go home."

Taichi and Chihaya are standing next to each other: the former rubbing the nape of his neck with a flushed face and Chihaya is still shyly transfixed at her feet. Now Chitose is sure that there is something else going on between them. The suspicion intrigues and amuses her so much, her sneaky plan has to push through.

"C'mon Chihaya, up on my back," Taichi finally says. He puts his umbrella down as he drops to his knees.

"Eh? You're really going along with this?"

"I don't want you to get sick too. So let me help you."

She pouts and looks away. "Y-you'd tease I'm heavy."

Taichi rolls his eyes. "It's not like it's my first time to know."

Chihaya glares at his back and roughly launches her arms to his shoulders that almost sends Taichi forward if it isn't for his quick impulse to ground his knees.

"Oof - can't you ride like a normal human being?" he scolds.

"I _am_ a normal human being!" Chihaya retorts stubbornly. Chitose watches them on the sidelines, wondering the probability of an accident that would come from her plan - because if a piggyback ride makes Chihaya brash then who knows what will happen along the way - and how she can escape responsibility if it comes down to that.

Taichi pulls his arms underneath her legs and slowly straightens. "You _are_ heavy."

Chihaya growls. He hands her the umbrella. "Now be a good girl and hold up the umbrella for us."

"Yeah, yeah. I know what to do."

"Thank goodness, you're finally settled. I'll lead the way. Don't get left behind!" Chitose walks ahead with a stupid grin on her face because one, she has successfully bullied Mashima Taichi (that's revenged), and two, she believes she helped start something that those idiots have been putting off for a good while now. Someday, she is going to extract payment for this from Chihaya. She has no doubts, whatsoever, that her little scheme would succeed, with or without accidents occurring.

On the other hand, Chihaya is fighting back the unexplainable awkwardness bubbling inside her. With this close contact with Taichi, she confirms to herself that they haven't returned to their status quo. She is so self-conscious her senses are a little disarray. Is she riding correctly or is she being a burden? Are they going to keep silent all the way? Have Taichi's hands been that big? She feels so secure in his grip. Since when did Taichi's shoulders become this broad? They're so strong and steady. She put her hands lightly on them, hesitating to further close in their contact despite the temptation to snuggle in his warmth. She wonders if Taichi is also asking questions and feeling the same uneasiness as her.

"Are you okay?" He suddenly speaks.

"Ah, yeah. I'm very comfortable here," she wriggles her legs.

"Not that. I mean...are _you_ okay?"

Chihaya catches the meaning of his question this time. "I think I am."

"It's tough," he continues after a brief pause. "Whenever you acquire a new weapon, you can't stop yourself from getting worse for a time. That's what Tsuboguchi-san said. So hang in there, okay?"

Chihaya gently smiles at the consolation he gave. "I will." She unconsciously grips his shoulder, transmitting her firm resolve despite sounding faint on his back.

"Good."

Chihaya frowns for she can't help but feel the detachment in his voice. Taichi still feels more distant now than she likes. She remembers the last time the two of them had time together was watching that Queen and Meijin program. They haven't had a good break since. She was busy with multi-tasking her responsibilities and Taichi couldn't be disturbed as well. Even that day they delivered the million yen futon to his house, they didn't have an actual interaction.

_"I think my feelings are fading away."_

She reflexively shuts her eyes at the memory. She didn't mean to spy on him and Kana-chan's conversation but she can't be blamed with her sharp ears. There seemed to be an invisible winter breeze at that time that teasingly chilled her with Kana-chan's question and his answer. She didn't know why but at that moment she didn't want to hear anymore so she ran away. She didn't understand why she was bothered and why there was darkness looming over her likened to the time the cards turned black except this time she had no idea what caused it. So she vanquished the dark feeling away by absorbing herself in things she knew and understood. However, it was only like putting a hot pot at the back burner, set to cool.

Cooling down feelings do not make them disappear. They need to be evaporated into thin air so she could breathe it out as nothing happened. Nonetheless, she doesn't want to do that either, not until she finds the answer because she knows it was something important. However, the more she let the feeling cool down, the more distant Taichi becomes.

His detachment was greatly felt when she didn't even receive a New Year's greeting from him. The greeting at their Mizusawa Karuta Club Facebook chat didn't count. There were some New Years where he accompanied her to the shrine so it disappointed her too that he wasn't among their kouhai when he should know better than this New Year was more special and important to her. But she didn't hold it against him. He couldn't slack off in his university exam preparation, was the excuse she made for him.

So this is basically the first time they see each other and in close contact with each other. Maybe that's why she is awkward, she reasons.

 _Taichi. It's just Taichi._ She repeats to herself.

Chihaya decides she should start talking rather than keeping their silence. Her mind and heart would be clearer if she talk things out since she is never the type to hold things in especially the confusing ones.

"Brings back memories, ne Taichi?"

"What is? The snow?"

"This piggyback ride."

"Oh." Taichi doesn't follow it up and Chihaya is almost discouraged, thinking he is intentionally cutting off their conversation but then he continues. "It was summer before middle school."

Chihaya hums an affirmative and happily chats on. "I sprained my ankle at Shiranami as I went down the stairs," she laughs.

"You were such a clutz. You still are."

Chihaya smacks his head. Taichi stops and hisses. "Stop that or I will drop you." He received a lot of beating from the Ayase sisters today, he observes. Just his luck!

"Go ahead!" Chihaya smugly challenges. Taichi grunts because they both know his threat was a mumbo jumbo in the first place and she's making good use of it.

"Remember, you also bought me ice cream."

"Because you were a crybaby."

"I wish...I wish we could go back to how we were," she says wistfully. "When we laugh after getting hurt and buy each other ice cream to make up." Chihaya continues at the same tone and rests her chin at Taichi's shoulder.

"We can't. Even when we want to, we can't." It is an unsentimental statement. A sentence drawn out from a deep well of 'facts'.

"I know." Her sigh chills his cheek. "But I still can't stop wishing since I lost some things from letting the past go." The statement asks to be punctuated in silence as they both take it to heart and ponder what it personally means to them. After a while, Chihaya speaks again.

"Do you know, Taichi? The Chiha card has disappeared in my game field for a while now." Taichi is surprised at this revelation; he cannot help but jerk his head towards her just enough to hit her nose with his side cheek.

"Watarai-san said that its disappearance may be the reason why I have been winning my matches. But I don't believe it. That's my special card. On my first match with Shinobu-chan today, Chiha was there and I was ready to defend it. But in the end, I lost it to Shinobu-chan. And I lost the match. I've been thinking about when it disappeared. Don't laugh, okay? But I think it went missing since you left."

Chihaya wraps her arms around his neck as she says so, halting Taichi's steps. "I'm not blaming you, Taichi. It's not your fault. You came back but Chiha didn't. It seems to belong to the past too."

She doesn't ask why they stopped. She thinks it is what they need - to stop for a while and talk things out. She is glad that she had finally opened up this one thing that had bothered her since last year's summer. How grateful she is to have this moment to themselves because she wouldn't talk this to anyone other than Taichi. It is only to him that she can be herself - the scared, confused, stupid, lost, and anxious Chihaya - without worrying what he would think about her.

She knows this at the back of her head but it's different now that she understands. The incomprehensible feeling she let to cool is heated up at a quick pace and along with it are memories demanding to be recalled to life. Chihaya remembers the time Taichi left and how she often found herself reeling back in familiar places without him, more strongly when she sat on the tatami mat in a line with her team and his curly, brown turf of hair wasn't even in her periphery. She remembers how she saw him in the wind in their clubroom; how it came easy to emulate him as if his presence resides within her and all she had to do was to call to it and it would come. She remembers how she intentionally wore his headband at nationals because it gave her more strength and courage to face their last match; how in place of the dead Chiha card, she saw him again; how his "next time" made her path to follow clearer and how she stopped looking for Chiha because Taichi was fighting alongside her and that made her feel better.

A confounding realization is drawn upfront.

"The moment of the end is also the moment of a brand new beginning."

"What?"

Chihaya shakes her head, tingling his cheek a little with her hair. "Taichi, thank you," she whispers, pushing her head forward to make sure he hears. "For always protecting Chiha. Thank you for coming back...and for being here. You're one thing from the past that never leaves."

Taichi feels a few drops of liquid on his shoulder where the collar of his sweater slips down because of her movements. "Hey, why are you crying?"

"And I'm sorry...sorry for everything and for asking something selfish again. But Taichi...will you...please...please stay?" her voice quivers as she buries her face to his shoulder.

He is briefly silent, then he hitches her up and resumes walking. "Don't cry."

"But…" she wheezes.

"Don't worry. I won't leave."

She wants to say there is more than one meaning in her request. Yes, she wants him to stay for her match but not only then, but henceforth, whether she is fighting on her knees or not. But there is a lump on her throat and she keeps on sniffing. So Chihaya settles with tightening her hold around him and rests on his resolute voice, the sturdiness and warmth of his back where she lays her head. There is still a next time to say all these things because Taichi said he won't leave. She believes it without a shadow of a doubt.

Soon enough, her even breathing tells him she has gone asleep. Her unconsciousness gives him respite to think through everything she said. Taichi still doesn't quite understand what she is trying to say to him; there are many obscure things and double meanings he doesn't want to hold on to. One thing is for sure though, her unpredictableness makes things difficult for him - again.

If she only knew he was intentional when he told Oe-san that his feelings for her are fading away. He said that knowing she heard them so that she'd be free from any guilt she might still carry. He isn't blind to sense the awkward tension they spawn consciously or unconsciously to each other. And he doesn't want to lose her a second time. So if keeping their friendship means surrendering his pursuit of her heart then he'd gladly do it.

He is trying to make things easier for them, doesn't she see? So why was she saying all those things to him now? Now isn't the best time for this. But he acknowledges they need a proper time to talk this through once and for all. They have to face this head-on so they could move forward without dragging unresolved things behind them.

He is already learning to accept the role he plays in her life - as her best friend. That label gives him the allowance of a distance he needs without cutting themselves from each other's lives.

From a distance, he is safe from the curiosity of her big doe eyes. From a distance, her smile wouldn't blind her and weaken him to his knees. From a distance, his heart is still. From a distance, she is only his friend.

_And yet._

When his mind was playing tricks on him back at the shrine, her distant profile moved the heart he was teaching to be still.

_And yet._

He still strains his ears for the tones of her voice which he can distinguish when they would be lost on others. He still reaches out his hand for her - had always been reaching - and it will remain open for her, how long it might take her to get to him just like the many times he had dived the deeps, no matter the odds, for the Chiha card.

"I'm sorry too, Chihaya," he says under his breath. "I'm sorry for this heart that never learns to not love you."

"Hurry, hurry, Mashima-kun!" Chitose's voice jolts him to reality. When he looks up the Kangakunan hall is in sight. It might be impossible to hear the poem being read inside the Uryasu auditorium, but like an answer to a prayer that wasn't asked, a winter breeze blows to their way and the ancient notes of the last poem on the Meijin match came with the wind and snow.

_Kimi ga tame_

_Oshi karazarishi_

_Inochi sae_

_Nagaku mo gana to_

_Omoi keru kana.*_

It's like Emperor Tenshi has sent wind at his back. Taichi follows where it blows. As it rises, he turns to the sky and for the first time that day he thinks the falling white flakes are the most beautiful he has ever seen. He blinks away the snow on his eyelashes and when he opens his eyes again, he sees sakura leaves falling instead: the sakura on that day the shared promise was made in that dingy apartment, the sakura surrounding them when she hugged him and asked to help her make a karuta club in their first year, the sakura that came flooding in on them the day he bared his heart to her in the silence of their clubroom.

 _Chihaya, look._ He wants to say aloud so she can also see the beautiful snow that reminds him to breathe. _We're not exactly letting go of the past. Our past and present are connected by this sakura-like snow._

On that day, the sakura-like snow continues to mindlessly fall through and through, covering Omi Jingu in lofty whiteness. But the perfect redness isn't hidden out of sight.

* * *

**STORY NOTES:**

**Title:** _Walking._ I'm trying to depict what each character is going through likened to walking as they try to figure things out. Their inner thoughts went along with their physical walking.

 _Through._ It may be more grammatically correct to use underneath but I like the imagery the word 'through' conveys-a movement at one point and out at another. Chitose, Chihaya, and Taichi go through their unresolved past in order to move forward. Chitose successfully made it through since I resolved her conflict with Chihaya. A different thing could be said for Taichi and Chihaya regarding each other since I purposefully wrote an open end. I don't think a complete resolution fits in a one-shot otherwise it would be too abrupt to my liking. These two have a long history together and slow-burn fits them so well. But as to their self, they are successful since Chihaya is defining what those uncomfortable feelings mean; and Taichi acknowledged his feelings for her are not actually fading *rolls my eyes all the way to Antarctica* (Side note: do you really think I believed you when you said that, Mashima?)

 _Sakura-like snow._ I got this from chapter 216 when Sensei described the snow as _"The past and present are connected with sakura. It is connected with sakura-like snow."_ That's the overarching theme I'm trying to depict in this story. Each character was dragging with them unresolved baggage from their past to their present only to be confronted by it. Notice how each of them brings up the past first before they could come up with answers.

 **Chitose and Taichi's relationship.** Not so much can be gleaned from the manga how their dynamic works so I let my imagination run wild for this one. It's fun to write. I see the potential of Taichi and Chitose's compatibility to address the up-coming events. Both of them are close to Chihaya and they have unresolved issues with her (yes, I still consider Taichi and Chihaya's current status as unresolved despite the rejection or whatever that was). So I would like to see them pushing each other (directly or indirectly) to talk it over with the karuta baka.

 **"You may be taller...but...I'm still...the eldest here".** A small detail. Remember that omake when Chitose complains about her height because Chihaya's taller than her? I like to believe that Chitose still makes their height difference an issue, even with Taichi so I let her point this out.

 **"It's always about Chihaya with you, isn't it? That's what you also told me at the station."** But we don't know what Taichi told her, do we? I know Taichi has the charm so I'm curious how he charmed Chitose *smirk smirk*

 **"I'm only looking for the bathroom."** I really believe it's the call of nature that made Chitose go out HAHAHA

 **"It's useless to figure out everything about her because she always manages to be unpredictable. So sometimes it's better to wait out for her. Let her be herself and take it from there, I guess."** This is what exactly happened later on. Eat your own words, lover boy! *evil laugh* It's a little foreshadowing I did.

 **Chitose's conflict.** The conflict of Chitose's character is not something made out of scrap alone. Chitose's POV is still hidden from us. So I did a lot of back-reading and I mean back-baaaackkk reading-season 2 chapters. This is basically what I gleaned from all the back-reading I did. I personally cannot wait to see the character development Sensei has instore for Chitose!

 **"Do not do things half-way!"** Chitose actually said this in chapter 112.

 **It was like falling water from Tsukuba's peak to fill the depths of Mina. So are her frustration and despair like the river's quiet deeps.** A reference to poem 13 (Tsukuba ne no). _On Mount Tsukuba's peak/Falling waters have become/Mina's still, full flow/So my love has grown to be/Like the river's quick deeps._ I love playing with the different implications of the poem and Chihaya's feelings. It's one of those writing moments when a thought comes to you out of nowhere and you just vibe with it, you know.

 **Chitose and Chihaya's confrontation.** I'm not sure I have accurately depicted their dynamic but since no one in Chihayafuru deals with their defeat like cradling a baby, I went for a harsh approach. It might be unlikely to see Chihaya angry here (I can't pinpoint a time on top of my head when she was angry in the manga) but I believe frustrations can ignite anger.

 **"When I entered showbiz, it took me 3 years to reach fame and only a year to remain in that spotlight. I can't seem to outdo the only thing I did right in my career and so I dwindled from the limelight and became a stowaway at the back of a shelf of some outdated magazine, and now I can only get supporting character roles."** My basis here is from chapter 174. We learned from the description of the karaoke song Chihaya sang that Chitose was 16 when she was at the wave of success. In Chihaya's second year, Chitose was thinking about entering college since she doubted her acting ability. They only have a one-year gap so Chitose was 18 then and Chihaya 17. That's why I figured Chitose was only able to stay on that wave for a year when she was 17. Even in chapter 212, she still had a supporting role in her first movie gig.

 **"Just because your dream is totally different from mine doesn't mean it isn't important."** This is a Little Women (2020) reference. I haven't watched the movie yet (only read the book) but I watched the trailer a lot of times and this line came to me while writing this part so I had to include it. I find it fitting for Chitose too.

 **...and when she said she understood, he wished she would take it back because if she wanted him to stay, he would without hesitation-he knew he would.** I'm applying the theme of Taichi's namesake poem here. Poem 16 Tachi wakare. _Though we are parted/If on Inaba's peak/I hear the sound./Of the pine trees growing there/I will come back again to you._ I paralleled this later on from Chihaya's perspective: **She remembers how it came easy to emulate him like his presence resides within her and all she had to do was to call to it and it would come.** Sticking with the calling and the coming imagery.

 **...and if possible give her the confidence he has in her so that she stops underestimating herself.** I explicitly wrote this phrase to show the irony in Taichi's character. For someone who doubts himself a lot, he sure puts a lot of confidence in Chihaya. We can see this from chapter 203 on his last game with Arata. _"Me, actually having won a game against you, huh? This I can't believe even more than Chihaya winning her series."_ Oh, my precious boy! T^T *punches wall*

 **As much as he wants to do that, he doesn't. Because he knows he isn't someone to hold her like that.** I'm contrasting this line of thought with Arata's _"I want to hold her. I want to be a person for whom it's ok to embrace her"_. While Arata is wishing to be someone to hold Chihaya, Taichi, resigns to the thought that he couldn't be that person. It aligns with his denial of his feelings for her. Because he's Taichi. A masochist. *punches wall again*

 **"Oy baka," he says instead, "why the heck are you out in this cold? Without putting on a coat and shoes?"..."Like a scene in a drama, huh," Chitose remarks off-handedly. "You could say that," Chihaya laughs.** I'm sorry, I had to put this because it's my first impression when I saw those pages. The whole bangs covering the eyes, ignoring everyone, and walking out of a room into the cold and crying there...pure drama! And I'm really bothered by the cold for Chihaya so I really, REALLY need Taichi to scold her.

 **...she doesn't quite understand the summersault in her stomach.** Another small detail. Usually, the word is spelt as 'somersault'-at least that's how I usually spell it. But I used the variant 'summersault' since it evokes a stronger image. On a winter day, Chihaya's stomach, and to an extent her body, was experiencing summer. The warmth could allude to Taichi's coat or the bubbling romantic feelings she had for him. I don't know much about being in love or starting to fall in love coz I've never experienced that myself LOL, but love feels you warm, right? That's what the books tell me.

 **"It's tough. Whenever you acquire a new weapon, you can't stop yourself from getting worse for a time. That's what Tsuboguchi-san said. So hang in there, okay?"** Taichi re-echoed what Tusboguchi said in chapter 62. He was referring to Chihaya's attempt to be as accurate as Shinobu (the new weapon so to speak) in her match with Akamatsu which led to their defeat. So it's very appropriate here as well. This page wasn't animated.

 **The piggyback ride and ice cream.** As much as I want to be accurate with my references to their past, I just had to write this to drive my point home. Is it necessary? I don't think so XD. But meh I went along with it anyway. It vibes well with me. Besides, it's not completely impossible that Chihaya sprained her foot or fell the stairs, obliging Taichi to piggyback her home or them eating ice cream together, ne? *wink wink*

 **"We can't. Even when we want to, we can't."** This is, in Phantom of the Opera's words, _the point of no return!_ It's something Chihaya and Taichi must accept first if they enter into a relationship. Especially with Chihaya. This ties in with her struggle of her growing unfamiliar feelings for Taichi. I like to repeat what Sakurazawa-sensei said, _"Your ability to change is an asset."_

 **She knows this at the back of her head but it's different now that she understands.** Emphasis here because guys, just because we know something doesn't mean we understand it. I think Chihaya needs to learn the difference too. Notice also how each resolution is made by understanding the problem and their feelings. I believe that's the first step to solving problems.

 **"The moment of the end is also the moment of a brand new beginning."** A repetition from chapter 164 when Taichi came back but in a romantic context.

 **So why was she saying all those things to him now? Now isn't the best time for this.** Exactly what I was thinking when writing this lmao. But I don't think Chihaya would be distracted for her next match if something like this happens. She could easily turn into a karuta monster when she sits across Shinobu.

 **He is already learning to accept the role he plays in her life-as her best friend.** The subject of roles was taken up in chapter 211 after his visit to Suo's family. He remembered Kanade's words about roles and he thought, _"Role...in that place [Omi Jingu] the thing I should undertake…"_ Taichi took up his role as the one who "walks the field of spring, gathering green herbs" (chapter 219). It's a #15 poem reference about Emperor Koukou gathering good luck (green herbs) for someone. So Taichi only sees himself as someone like that to Chihaya. Because again, he's a masochist.

 ***KIMI GA TAME HA translation:** _For your precious sake/Once my eager life itself/Was not dear to me./But now it is my heart's desire/It may long, long years endure._

 **He blinks away the snow on his eyelashes and when he opens his eyes again, he sees sakura leaves falling instead: the sakura on that day the shared promise was made in that dingy apartment, the sakura surrounding them when she hugged him and asked to help her make a karuta club in their first year,** **the sakura that came flooding in on them the day he bared his heart to her in the silence of their clubroom.** An explicit representation of the title. It's a complete coincidence that some of the important moments Taichi and Chihaya shared together have sakura blossoms surrounding them. They have that kind of moment each year, except for the second year though.

 ** _Chihaya, look_. He wants to say aloud so she can also see the beautiful snow that reminds him to breathe. _Our past and present are connected by this sakura-like snow._** This re-echoes what Kyoko-san told Suo Meijin in chapter 216. She recalled to mind poem 61-a poem about the connection of the past and present-and further says, _"Thinking about their beauty, it is only then that I can really breathe"._ The line suits Taichi too since he's always saying, "Don't forget to breathe" so it's like he's taking his own advice except now it's applied to romance and not to the game.

 **On that day, the sakura-like snow continues to mindlessly fall through and through, covering Omi Jingu in lofty whiteness. But the perfect redness isn't hidden out of sight.** I looked at pictures of Omi Jingu in winter and it's so mesmerizing that the red shrine stands more sharply against the white backdrop. This ending line alludes to that image as well as to the romance between Taichi and Chihaya. Other things can overlap before their romance to push through (i.e. the Queen match, her answer to Arata, the inevitable awkwardness when she wakes up) but the feelings they have for each other can no longer be ignored.

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR'S FINAL NOTES:
> 
> Wow! I find this harder to edit than to write since I'm nit-picking with the details. Walking through with their emotions, elaborating, and articulating them is harder than I thought. Phew. I actually have a lot of versions to this where Arata, the Mizusawa members, and Chihaya's parents are involved. But this suffices.
> 
> I hope I was able to convey in the story everything I pointed out in my chapter notes. Personally, I think it's still a mess. I can think and connect a lot of things together but my brain lacks the ability to organize LOL. But if I keep editing it, this wouldn't be published and I want to move on with other things already. So I'm sorry if the narrative is still half-cooked.
> 
> It would be nice to share your interpretations and observations so hit me up! Constructive criticisms are also appreciated. I want to improve my writing. Don't worry if you might come off harsh (I hope you're not too harsh though lol), I will build brick walls around my jelly-o heart.
> 
> And to my fellow Taichihaya/Chihaichi shippers, keep shipping. I don't think our ship is sinking...yet. ;D


End file.
